Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
