The Knight and the Squire

SIR M ORTIMER E USTACE F ITZ C LARENCE D U B ROWN
Sat drinking his ruby wine;
And he called: "What ho! Here—somebody go
And summon that squire of mine,
Young Patrick de Wachtamrhein."

They passed the word for young Patrick, who came
And entered the castle hall.
"Good master," said he, "and what now might it be
You'd have me be doing, at all?
I'll do it, whatever befall."

"Now hie thee up to the palace, good squire,
And get thee speech with the King;
For fain would I know if this news be so
The palmers and peddlers bring—
Of a new crusade this spring."

Young Patrick rode forth and young Patrick rode back;
Sir Mortimer gave him go'd-den;
"Sir, war is declared, and a draft prepared,
For his Majesty must have men:
And gold has gone up to ten."

Then good Sir Mortimer straightway went
To his merchant-tailor man,
And bought for a groat a new tin coat,
Which, cut on the latest plan,
Looked stylish as any tin can.

"I sell you dot pair brass pants so sheap—
No? Mebbe you comes again?
Puy a rupper shtamp for to use in camp
For to marg your clodings plain?"
But the merchant talked in vain.

"Come hither, now, Patrick de Wachtamrhin,"
Said the knight; "thou art bold and stanch;
No wight in the castle with thee can wrestle:
I leave thee in charge of the ranch—
Take care of my lady Blanche."

Sir Mortimer rode with his banner displayed,—
Six cod-fish saltier-wise,—
But he did not go to crusade—oh, no!
But in search of army supplies,
Expecting the market to rise.

Said he: "In the army I will not go,
And they cannot impress me;
'Twere a vain attempt, for I am exempt,
As my age is fifty-three,
A contractor I will be."

So he rode abroad, and he found, with joy,
That his neighbors' sheep looked well,
And their oxen stout went straying about
So fat that they nearly fell;
And he drove them off to sell.

Young Patrick de Wachtamrhein heard these things,
And his eyes with tears grew dim;
"This castle should not," he observed, "God wot,
Belong to a chap like him,
For his moral sense is slim."

So he seized Sir Mortimer's wealth and wife
(Divorced by a chancery suit);
Of the house he was head in Sir Mortimer's stead,
And he sent off the latter, to boot,
To crusade as his substitute.

And, knights, moral ye all may learn
From the tale that is here rehearsed:
Before you start for a foreign part
'Tis best to provide for the worst,
And mortgage your property first.