On the wings of suffering

Oh, Lord, it is not loneliness that hurts,
But rather false friendship.
Yes, he who mourns without witnesses
Is the one who knows it best.
The only path I know
Is covered in the tears of dreamers
Who disappear with the arrival of the sun
Like snow sculptures.
You know, Lord,
That when I suffer,
I suffer passionately,
Because passion is like the tiller
Who gives the hard infertile soil the sense of life.
From my early childhood, suffering became my mother.
When she kissed me good night,
I would quietly pray for everyone not worthy of it,
Because life without suffering is like food without spices.
Happiness wouldn't shine so warmly without suffering,
Just like light without darkness
Would not be a lighthouse to mankind.
As a child, I learned
That without prayer I will deprived of many answers,
That suffering is like a wild river
Flowing through unexplored banks of human character.
When loneliness turned me into an adult,
While tears kept me a child,
I learned to watch human suffering
Like a priest watches the wafer,
Like I am looking to suffering to absolve me of sin,
If it is a sin to escape poverty after all,
If it is a sin to scream after all:
Help me, Lord!
 As an adult, I know what unanswered prayers are,
And I need the memory of childhood
As a proof that magic still smoulders in the soul,
And it shall enlighten all my prayers sooner or later.

Now I know, Lord,
That great suffering nowhere has a more purpose
Than at Your feet,
Because when I looked at You, crucified,
With a blissful smile on Your face,
The greatest of human suffering
Turns into a new hope,
That shall carress the souls of dreamers tomorrow,
As it carresses my soul today.
 Oh, Lord, amidst the greatest of sufferings,
You never forgot to share Your love,
And now, crucified towards all cardinal points,
-my North,my South,my East, my West-
It is as if You are mercifully whispering to me:
"My dear, in order to be worthy of your suffering,
Do not be a stale lake
Of dead fish;
So as to avoid starvation,
Be a living lake
That gives and sings."