I Have Lost Faith

not in God yet —-good god
but in the weather—– never changing
the man in the elevator who won’t make

eye contact with me—-fingers
thrumming his satchel strap
I like to be a little cold—- what

I mean is—- I need to feel just
uncomfortable enough to know I’m still
alive—- once as a child I dug a tunnel

through the snow—- I had forgotten
what heat felt like—- I felt
so close to God feeling so close

to death—- all I would have to do
was take off my jacket—- lie there
for a few hours—- until the light

of the elevator buttons—- unlit
and said it had reached my floor