Dear Insecurity

Anxious… can’t relax. Steady worried.

I need you, like you need my mind. I feed you, and you eat my time.

Constantly checking status updates and gram comments. Nothing looks out of the ordinary now, but you have this feeling which you call intuition, and you just know something wrong is bound to happen. You just waiting for it to be in existence.

Would you take my woes, if I gave you my soul?

Patiently waiting, watching minutes move up to hours. You focus your energy on it, you think about it, you always asking questions that you already know are potential argument makers.

Let me see, just show it to me, I can’t sleep, baby I need em. Answers.

You say you just want em for clarity. You tell God to fall back, and let the devil get up on you….

I rather death because that heartbeat, can’t be real, it just don’t, give me life. I just want to know if it’s really mine, alright?

Ok, he said he’s loyal, she said she’s loyal to me. That’s it, that’s all I needed, I just got to believe him. Wait.. Stop it! These voices in my head, they killing me. What you trying to say? That he’s lying to me? But he swore to me? Ok, well I’ll try it again.

Now I’m anxious again, can’t relax, again I’m worried. Back to checking status updates and gram comments, still nothing looks out of the ordinary. Still this, feeling that I have inside, you know they call it the devils tuition. Even when something is right, he tells you you’re wrong, and that something painful is bound to happen. Like a fool I’m, patiently waiting, watching minutes move up to hours. I feel like the only reason that I believe I’m being deceived is, because I’m thinking about it. So I go back to asking him questions. “Give me your phone, passwords to everything, just show it to me, I need my answers.” Then another argument happens. This time he’s had enough, he packs his things then said to me, “you rather kill a relationship, because you have doubts that it’s real. No matter how much true love I give to you, it’s still not enough for your life. You need consistent reminders, and an imagination to fulfill. I’ll still be there for you, but I can’t be here with you. I hope one day you’ll be able to see, the love that I had for you.”

Ok, so what’s next? He’s gone and I guess my worries are too, so now it’s just me and you. Hello?… Hello? Say something! Hello?… Oh, you left me too.

While you’re looking for a reason to be hurt, to feel pain, someone is just looking for someone to hold them, a reason to feel love, and be a part of it too.