Transport

sour heat of the taxicab my thighs stuck by sweat to the leather
in the aperture of the sunless hours i sit scarved in the quiet
that i think will protect me i've spent days inside & untouched
by human noise & i forget the lesson in the old hurts
that mark my kneaded body & sometimes i do not even register
the hands that steer the vehicle the man from which they protrude

until his eyes in the mirror hook the light & i see his want thrusting
into the backseat a leer scraping like a fingernail along my skin
dumb prey shut in the cage with its wolf while his looking catalogs
my edible parts gleaming in stripes by the streetlights & hushed
in brief sanctuary by the dark & the silence i've gathered will throb
when he asks is this where you live & i work to keep my face unchanged

& maybe sometime in the dimming past i was still unmarked
my girlhood body unoccupied by warning its curiosity still free to extend
to a strange or recognized hand engineering an unfamiliar ache
before my shame became my native tongue became the sovereign of my flesh
i had my milkteeth smiled green as a seedling in photographs in their silence
i was pure & cloistered & i did not yet need to take inventory

for my body to feel like mine the driver's eyes displace me & leave behind a list
of ways i can be hurt of all the places i am a door its use unaltered
by my yes or no outside the streetlights change to a bridge's trusses & i say nothing
the car points into a borough not my own while i watch the distance swell
between my watching & the slab of girl fastened to the backseat useless little carcass
so faraway in her smallness & already going missing already bored by pain

& sometimes even those whose touch i choose who mean me only tenderness
will with their smell or voice or a trick of the light or the faintest touch of an index
finger trip the latch that lets me out to the space above my peeled & emptied rind
when i return i tell this to my lover who braids himself to me & makes me new
who takes into his mouth my broken name & in an exhale of smoke it emerges
weathered but complete & still mine until i remake myself from stillness

& drape myself in the life of a different girl rupture smoothed over like the noiseless
surface of a lake & in the taxi i look out to the evening's copper bruising
i give directions i push away his looking & feel my body reinflate
i dial my lover's voice the car points homeward & my old panic melts back into its archive
when he fills the backseat with sound & maybe i can be reborn
as a girl who does not go missing a girl someone will look for no longer the decorative husk

men make me with their want the quiet shrinks & i come unstuck from the leather
i come unstuck from my hurts pay my fare & debark the car untouched
my home protrudes like a lighthouse from the night i settle the body mine to register