The (REAL) Tale of the Tortoise and the Hare

Today I’m going to talk about,
The Tortoise and the Hare,
One was slow and one was quick,
They really made a pair!

I’m sure you all know the proverb,
And perhaps you know the end?
But the version you know simply isn’t the truth,
You have been deceived my friend!

Was the Hare quite arrogant?
To the Tortoise, was he mean?
Did Tortoise rightly win the race,
While Hare slept beneath a tree?

Well to you, I say that’s rubbish!
For in the story that I read,
Something completely different happened,
And I’ll tell you that Tale instead.

Nibbles was a bunny,
Well, a Hare to be precise.
You may have heard he’s nasty,
But in actual fact he’s nice.

He does charity work on Saturday’s,
And helps at the homeless shelter.
He volunteers for all the school fete’s,
Running the Helter-Skelter.

He’s a lifetime member of Greenpeace,
Help’s Third World farms grow food,
Has leftwing political viewpoints;
He’s a pretty awesome dude.

Now Tortoise, on the other hand,
Was bitter and a Miser.
He came from a long and distinguished line,
Of German Tortoise Kaiser’s.

His family were of well-bred stock,
And being well known German’s,
His parent’s chose an appropriate title,
Naming Tortoise, Herman.

He had an impeccable stately home,
And private grounds galore.
With Gerbils as his butler’s,
Herman never worked a chore!

But Herman had a weakness,
For he really loved to gamble.
He’d heard about a so-called race,
Which involved a countryside ramble.

Nibbles had set up a sponsored run,
‘Two Miles In Under a Minute!’
The townsfolk all put their money in,
Hoping that Nibbles would win it.

Tortoise showed up and doubled the pot!
Which wasn’t particularly discreet,
His only stipulation,
Was that only he and Hare compete.

‘The winner takes all!’ Herman confirmed,
As they lined up to start the race.
‘I’ll give you a chance’ Nibbles had said,
‘We’ll set off at a reasonable pace.’

Now, Herman was shrewd and wily,
He knew he didn’t stand much hope.
But with plenty of cash and contacts,
He’d concocted a plan with scope.

He’d given MuskRat the machine gun,
Mole, the missile guidance computer.
Toad was fashioned with nun-chucks,
And Sparrow the Bazooka!

Badger had a Landmine,
Weasel manned the Mortar,
Groundhog drove a Sherman Tank,
Along with her eldest Daughter.

Yet this Army Tortoise gathered,
Well, they didn’t play a part,
It was Chameleon who shot Nibbles,
With a tranquilizer dart.

And beneath the tree, poor Hare collapsed,
Deep in tranquil sleep.
The doctor couldn’t revive him,
For at least another week!

And Tortoise went on to win the race,
Skipping over the finish line.
But Hurman stumbled and hit the dirt,
On Badgers well placed Mine.

And with a gigantic explosion,
Nobody saw where he fell.
The only part of Herman left,
Was his empty shell.

So let there be no argument,
Let us not begin to quibble.
Herman may have crossed the line first,
But the winner was surely Nibbles?