How I saved Planet Earth

in the deserted streets last night
the Aliens pointed their laser
and equipment at me
and one of them said:
“Take me to your Leader.”

And hoping to pocket
all the presents
they might have brought
I said:
“Well, I am the Leader
of all Planet Earth.”

And the Aliens
conferred awhile
(as I waited in anticipation
of the presents they might pull out for me)
and one of them turned to me
and the gender-negative Creature said:
“Hail, Leader of All Planet Earth!
Our Intelligence Measurement Devices
give a Low Life Form reading on you;
and so we can deduce
what even Lower Life Forms you must lead” –
and then this gender-negative Creature
turned to the other Aliens and declared:
“Lets’ go. This planet’s not worth our time.”

And thus did I save the Earth
though I wish, at least, those Aliens
had left me some presents for my trouble…