When I Was King

The second time I lived on earth
Was several hundred years ago;
And-royal by my second birth-
I know as much as most men know.
I was a king who held the reins
As never modern monarch can;
I was a king, and I had brains,
And, what was more, I was a man!
Called to the throne in stormy times,
When things were at their very worst,
I had to fight-and not with rhymes-
My own self and my kindred first;
And after that my friends and foes,
And great abuses born of greed;
And when I'd fairly conquered those,
I ruled the land a king indeed.
I found a deal of rottenness,
Such as in modern towns we find;
I camped my poor in palaces
And tents upon the plain behind.
I marked the hovels, dens and drums
In that fair city by the sea.
And burnt the miles of wretched slums
And built the homes as they should be.
I stripped the baubles from the State,
And on the land I spent the spoil;
I hunted off the sullen great,
And to the farmers gave the soil.
My people were their own police;
My courts were free to everyone.
My priests were to preach love and peace;
My Judges to see justice done.
I'd studied men and studied kings,
No crawling cant would I allow;
I hated mean and paltry things,
As I can hate them even now.
A land of men I meant to see,
A strong and clean and noble race-
No subject dared kneel down to me,
But looked his king straight in the face
Had I not been a king in fact,
A king in council-hall and tent,
I might have let them crawl and act
The courtier to their heart's content;
But when I called on other kings,
And saw men kneel, I felt inclined
To gently tip the abject things
And kick them very hard behind.
My subjects were not slaves, I guess,
But though the women in one thing-
A question 'twas of healthy dress-
Would dare to argue with their king
(I had to give in there, I own,
Though none denied that I was strong),
Yet they would hear my telephone
If anything went very wrong.
I also had some poets bright-
Their songs were grand, I will allow-
They were, if I remember right,
About as bad as bards are now.
I had to give them best at last,
And let them booze and let them sing;
As it is now, so in the past,
They'd small respect for gods or king.
I loved to wander through the streets-
I carried neither sword nor dirk-
And watch the building of my fleets,
And watch my artisans at work.
At times I would take off my coat
And show them how to do a thing-
Till someone, clucking in his throat,
Would stare and gasp, 'It is the king!'
And I would say, 'Shut up, you fools!
Is it for this my towns I burn?
You don't know how to handle tools,
And by my faith you'll have to learn!'
I was a king, but what of that?
A king may warble in the spring
And carry eggs home in his hat,
Provided that he is a king.
I loved to stroll about the town
With chums at night, and talk of things,
And, though I chanced to wear the crown,
My friends, by intellect, were kings.
When I was doubtful, then I might
Discuss a matter quietly,
But when I felt that I was right
No power on earth could alter me!
And now and then it was no sin
Nor folly to relax a bit-
I'd take my friends into an inn
And call for wine and pay for it.
And then of many things we'd clack
With loosened tongues and visions clear-
I often heard behind my back
The whispered 'Peace, the king is here!'
The women harped about a queen,
I knew they longed to have a court
And flaunt their feathers on the scene,
But hitherto I'd held the fort.
My subjects wanted me, no doubt,
To give the throne a son and heir-
(There were some little kings about,
But that was neither here nor there).
I'd no occasion for a wife-
A queen as yet was not my plan;
I'd seen a lot of married life-
My sire had been a married man.
'A son and heir be hanged!' I said-
'How dare you ask for such a thing,
'You fight it out when I am dead
'And let the best man be the king!'
'Your Majesty, we love you well!'
A candid friend would say to me-
'But there be tales that people tell
'Unfitted to thy dignity'-
'My dignity be damned!' I'd say,
'Bring me no women's chattering!
'I'll be a man while yet I may-
'When trouble comes I'll be a king!
I'd kept my kingdom clean and strong
While other kingdoms were like ours-
I had no need to brook a wrong,
I feared not all the rotten Powers
I did not eat my heart out then,
Nor feebly fight in verse or prose
I'd take five hundred thousand men
To argue matters with my foes!
It thrilled me through, the mighty tramp
Of arm