The Miracle

I'm not afraid of letting go-
I'm more afraid that I have to-
I'm not broken that you're gone-
I'm disappointed that I had you-
next to me-
for what seemed-
to be forever-
and I'm standing here why I started hoping you found something better-
I knew I couldn't be what you needed me to-
but couldn't bare with life would be if it meant losing you-
I knew within time you'd see into me-
and find the pain no one to bothered to see-
and she's gone like a waking from a beautiful dream-
and I smile because I have to but its not what it seems-
and now its me and my memories and a song-
and the vision of you sitting here singing along-
with your eyes lit up, pouring coffee in my cup-
but your thoughts crying out "when will enough when will I ever be enough?"-
but I'm disengaged and enstranged and in pain-
and I'm ripping myself to pieces because there's no one to blame-
and even if there was I know I still wouldn't change-
I pretend it's okay when all the while you were my strength-
I see it now like the sun breaking through the clouds-
and these words are my realizations finally speaking aloud-
where were you when she was lying in bed-
covering her face and tears because of words that were said-
that you swore you didn't mean but then you'd say it again-
drawing a mirror on the grains of this page with a pen-
Is it what you wanted are you satisfied now?-
now that your deficiencies are standing on level ground-
welcome to reality it's not as grand as you thought-
now that she's vanished and you can't even manage to talk-
let it go and just hope whatever arm she finds herself in-
will hold her close and won't ever repeat the offense.-