Riddles

_Anne an' Joey a-ta'ken._
A. A plague! theäse cow wont stand a bit,
Noo sooner do she zee me zit
Ageän her, than she's in a trot,
A-runnèn to zome other spot.
J. Why 'tis the dog do sceäre the cow,
He worried her a-vield benow.
A. Goo in, Ah! _Liplap_, where's your taïl!
J. He's off, then up athirt the raïl.
Your cow there, Anne's a-come to hand
A goodish milcher. A. If she'd stand,
But then she'll steäre an' start wi' fright
To zee a dumbledore in flight.
Last week she het the païl a flought,
An' flung my meal o' milk half out.
J. Ha! Ha! But Anny, here, what lout
Broke half your small païl's bottom out?
A. What lout indeed! What, do ye own
The neäme? What dropp'd en on a stwone?
J. Hee! Hee! Well now he's out o' trim
Wi' only half a bottom to en;
Could you still vill en' to the brim
An' yit not let the milk run drough en?
A. Aye, as for nonsense, Joe, your head
Do hold it all so tight's a blather,
But if 'tis any good, do shed
It all so leäky as a lather.
Could you vill païls 'ithout a bottom,
Yourself that be so deeply skill'd?
J. Well, ees, I could, if I'd a-got em
Inside o' bigger woones a-vill'd.
A. La! that _is_ zome'hat vor to hatch!
Here answer me theäse little catch.
Down under water an' o' top o't
I went, an' didden touch a drop o't,
J. Not when at mowèn time I took
An' pull'd ye out o' Longmeäd brook,
Where you'd a-slidder'd down the edge
An' zunk knee-deep bezide the zedge,
A-tryèn to reäke out a clote.
A. Aye I do hear your chucklèn droat
When I athirt the brudge did bring
Zome water on my head vrom spring.
Then under water an' o' top o't,
Wer I an' didden touch a drop o't.
J. O Lauk! What thik wold riddle still,
Why that's as wold as Duncliffe Hill;
"A two-lagg'd thing do run avore
An' run behind a man,
An' never run upon his lags
Though on his lags do stan'."
What's that?
I don't think you do know.
There idden sich a thing to show.
Not know? Why yonder by the stall
'S a wheel-barrow bezide the wall,
Don't he stand on his lags so trim,
An' run on nothèn but his wheels wold rim.
A. There's _horn_ vor Goodman's eye-zight seäke;
There's _horn_ vor Goodman's mouth to teäke;
There's _horn_ vor Goodman's ears, as well
As _horn_ vor Goodman's nose to smell--
What _horns_ be they, then? Do your hat
Hold wit enough to tell us that?
J. Oh! _horns_! but no, I'll tell ye what,
My cow is hornless, an' she's _knot_.
A. _Horn_ vor the _mouth's_ a hornèn cup.
J. An' eäle's good stuff to vill en up.
A. An' _horn_ vor _eyes_ is horn vor light,
Vrom Goodman's lantern after night;
_Horn_ vor the _ears_ is woone to sound
Vor hunters out wi' ho'se an' hound;
But _horn_ that vo'k do buy to smell o'
Is _hart's-horn_. J. Is it? What d'ye tell o'
How proud we be, vor ben't we smart?
Aye, _horn_ is _horn_, an' hart is hart.
Well here then, Anne, while we be at it,
'S a ball vor you if you can bat it.
On dree-lags, two-lags, by the zide
O' vower-lags, woonce did zit wi' pride,
When vower-lags, that velt a prick,
Vrom zix-lags, het two lags a kick.
An' two an' dree-lags vell, all vive,
Slap down, zome dead an' zome alive.
A. Teeh! heeh! what have ye now then, Joe,
At last, to meäke a riddle o'?
J. Your dree-lagg'd stool woone night did bear
Up you a milkèn wi' a peäir;
An' there a zix-lagg'd stout did prick
Your vow'r-lagg'd cow, an meäke her kick,
A-hettèn, wi' a pretty pat,
Your stool an' you so flat's a mat.
You scrambled up a little dirty,
But I do hope it didden hurt ye.
A. You hope, indeed! a likely ceäse,
Wi' thik broad grin athirt your feäce
You saucy good-vor-nothèn chap,
I'll gi'e your grinnèn feäce a slap,
Your drawlèn tongue can only run
To turn a body into fun.
J. Oh! I woont do 't ageän. Oh dear!
Till next time, Anny. Oh my ear!
Oh! Anne, why you've a-het my hat
'Ithin the milk, now look at that.
A. Do sar ye right, then, I don't ceäre.
I'll thump your noddle,--there--there--there.