Emotions

I am surrounded by people, yet I am alone
Talking is easy, yet the words are silent
I am calm as still water on the outside
Inside I am a tumultuous wave of disaster
I see color all around me,
yet my thoughts are black and white

I long to feel loved
But I sabotage my love away
I desire tenderness
yet I squeeze it to death
I want to belong to someone
yet I lack the ability to keep them

My ups and downs
are a part of me
Woven in my fibers
abandonment inspires
Who am I?
A man with BPD