Burnt in contemplation

When i drown in wonder,
My thoughts lose their tracks,
My mind suffers a chemical romance,
I surrender myself to oblivion,
Across the clutches of time,
Where i find solace in the emptiness
Living pessimism with finesse.

Livid memories open up wounds,
With the guilty, none other than me,
I fall into pieces, speckles of dust
That just sway away as the clock ticks
While happiness now seems an eternity away.
My soul is over-saturated with grief,
I look over the rainbow, where,
Blue birds of freedom fly,
If they can, why cant I?

My soul asks me, unaware that meeting
Life after Death is not an easy road,
Though it maybe a breath away, Still nothing is as it seems to be.
Floods of heart-strickening pain Penetrates myself,
As the winters, cold,
Leave me nothing to uphold,
Just a dead piece of flesh and thoughts,
Scarred and charred by Life,
I find solace in ashes,
ashes that,
Hold the hands of wind and travel far away,
To reach where I want to be,
To that loneliness that,
I want to be.
I am not meant to be,
This isn't my world,
this isn't where I belong,
My existence lis like the leaves of grass,
I forget my credibility in this contemplation,
For all seems so deceptive,
That my destiny seems to be
Embraced with annihilation,
That now i fool myself with it,
Just to be pushed hard with the truth,
Which i still don't comprehend,
And i hope life isnt a joke,
Because i don't get it.