Finna

for Juanita & the Perspectives Leadership Academy Class of 2016

so this one time i was finna say finna in a academic context
& a voice in my head said shouldn’t you be worried
about using a word that ain’t a word & i was like word.

& for a long time that was how i let my life happen,
i let my mind tell me a million no’s that the world
had implanted in me before i even formed questions.
i let my power be dulled by my fear of fitting.

but i remember a million finnas
i avoided to get here. like the day
them dudes jumped me off the bus & i was finna
get stomped out like a loose square. or the day
they got to shooting at the park & i was finna
catch one like an alley oop. or the day
my grandma died & my grades dropped & i was finna
not finish high school except i had a praying mama
& good teachers & poems to write. i’m thankful for all these finnas
that never were & when i remind myself
of who i’ve always been i remember why
my finna is so necessary.

finna comes from the southern phrase fixing to
like i come from my southern grandmothers & finna
is this word that reminds me about everything next.
even when i’ve been a broken boy i know i’m fixing to
get fixed. i’m finna be better. every dream i have is a finna
away from achievement. each new love i uncover is a finna
i unfold. every challenge i choose to meet & not let defeat me is a finna
i fight for.

my hope is like my language is like my people: it’s Black
& it’s brown & it’s alive
& it’s laughing & it’s growing & it’s alive
& it’s learning & it’s alive & it’s fighting & it’s alive
& it’s finna
take on this wide world
with a whole slang for optimism.