Satisfy The Desolate

I call it sex
because I don't know
how else to say
terrified of dying.
Silence ruins
everything. It says:
you will not get your wings this way
not the wings you want
and you want
more than anybody.
I have wanted
many unfair things.
What is most unfair
is that the Earth is still okay
with me being here
I think, and even
encourages it.
Hello ocean,
you have asked me
not to die, but I swim
in neon pools
that are happy
to kill me.