Academic Epidemic

academic epidemic

erudite, but vacuous,
want of sentience, vapid p-zombies,
shaking fists at an unresponsive celestial being;
shaking children, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! lest ye be infected.
an old sage warned us of this impending macabre pestilence
an unheedful warning,
a metastasized plague,
a hoard of soulless, lifeless, thoughtless, pulsing, cadavers.
you may outrun them, but don't challenge them to a game of trivial pursuit,
you do not stand a chance among the academic living dead.

me and ms. ogyny

mea culpa,
my loving mistress
my dearest concubine
but do not think that we shall coexist
nay, ms. ogyny, i merely want to rule you.
Machiavelli's "guide to dating" is by my bedside.
i never noticed how varicose your veins were!
yes, i have effectively precipitated self consciousness,
now i alone dictate and govern the dialog monolog
your nerves cause your obstreperous hands to tremble when you speak to me,
i notice this, and it brings me immense gratification
your eyes, unable to look into mine when you speak to me
i detect this, and realize the effectiveness of my grand design
remember your friends? the ones that made you feel good about yourself,
that is precisely the reason i forbid you to see them.
boy do i feel marvelous! controlling and manipulating you,
although destitute, i feel opulent.
an omnipotent god!
although lanky, i feel burly
a mighty warrior!
although unemployed, i feel like a CEO
a shrewd tycoon!
a ferocious king!
a strapping stud!
the archetypical patriarch!
the Conqueror of damsels!
the idol of my emasculated peers
and all this because?.............
i am the unequivocal, ALPHA!
guiltless in my transgressions,
because uncle sigmund
permeates my conscience,
the real victim here is me,
of this mother/whore dichotomy

the God placebo.

Like a psychosomatic disease

their God exists only in their mind

 and like a virus, it is debilitating and very contagious

symptoms range from loss of brain activity

to delusional, schizophrenic behavior

(i.e. having conversations with fictitious or imaginary characters)

Some subjects are known to exhibit volatile and quite peculiar behavior

such as consuming the figurative blood and flesh of the "messiah" 

though there is no tangible evidence of this "messiah"

they tenaciously insist that he exists

I had to quarantine and ultimately administer euthanasia to a patient last week

after a violent outburst where he vehemently criticized me for telling him this "savior" did not exist

he then went on to say that i would "burn in eternal torment" for the blasphemous sentiment

unfortunately, there remains no known remedy for this horrendous ailment.

all we can do for now is observe,

and watch this degenerative disease cripple and destroy countless lives

lo!  we need revision!

God is not dead

God is alive and well

and living as a parasite inside the brains of unsuspecting hosts!

exploiting weak minds

and subsequently rendering them weaker!

as for the cure, i recommend extermination (of host and parasite!).

by: gunnar von brunn

gunnar von brunn was born in hamburg germany in 1979. he currently resides in north idaho with his wife and kids. he writes in his spare time