Elevators I

An enormous list:
coming and goings, nights and mornings,
births and deaths
and rebirths and second deaths
and little lapses like grace notes
where sadness surges in:

sadness surges in,
a passing-windshield light-effect
on the ceiling.
Would you prefer it some other way?
I’m versatile.
I’m hungry.
I’m hot.
I’m not really sad either.
I’m happy, it’s just that this happiness
isn’t the happiness I expected or sought
and for a time I confused
this happiness with the sadness
I thought I was experiencing.
I feel a lot better now.

Oooh. That should give you
an indication of the improvement.
Oooh, there it goes again.
And again,
only I didn’t say ‘Oooh’ this time.
I can’t explain it,
but it feels terrific,
like a totally fulfilled infatuation
or a California Lifestyle apartment ad.