[Where is the drug to drug this feeling out of me]

Where is the drug to drug this feeling out of me, the drug
to drug away the fear of drugs and what they steal from me
or stole from me, sometimes love and then my sanity, the frozen
bowling ball that set up shop inside my gut and liked it there
and never went away, I never went away for fear of losing
what I left which was itself a kind of hell, the hell of being
terrified of swapping hell for hell, my son, fucked up, rolled
his car in dark Ohio, lay inside the ditch and listened to the crickets,
even grass, he said to me, he could hear it growing, and corn, all
of it just trying to get by, as close as he could come, he said, to god,
and I was a such a fool, believing in fruition, stuck inside the fairy
tale of resurrection, even stars he said are trying to get by and then
he used for ten more years and bankruptcy and where’s the melody
to remedy the melody, the remedy to remedy the remedy