regular black

there is nothing in the universe worth more than the dance floor at a good black wedding

or possibly the sound my light skinned uncle makes when a song he forgot was his song comes on

i tell you this so you can understand how i think of memory, currency, wealth, that kind of shit

my favorite story to tell: once, on the porch, watching The Wheel, my mom was screaming all kinds of wild shit at the TV then my grandma said it’s a place, fool. that joke may sound lame here but it kills on the porch. might could be the happiest i’ve ever been. we was laughing so hard & all alive. nary a cancer had touched us, not a single sick was nursing off our gut, loosening the stools, unbraiding us as we mothered it

i just want you to understand how i understand happiness. summer is my favorite season cause it’s when you can sit still with someone by a tree quiet as hell & call that a good time. i pride myself on being regular & black

i believe in god the most amid wet acts: sex, birth, rain, mid electric slide. i believe because the people i love the most told me to, easier to name the luck which keeps me alive

fact: there is nothing more beautiful than a black woman on the way to whatever she considers church

fact: sister bernitta lost 16 pounds when she started catching the holy ghost once a day

fact: i know a woman who pearls a beautiful blunt & could out gospel yolanda adams any day

fact: today i passed my grandma, said a joke & she laughed, i knew then that i had a purpose

i just want you to understand how i understand everything. i was raised by people who believe there is a way to raise a child. i grew up black & quite happy all things considered. i was loved & had good friends & bad friends who i no longer fuck with. i won fights & got my lip busted & cried in my closet & danced with girls & called a boy a faggot & had a fade & was shot at once & only once & finger painted & felt indescribable loneliness & was given twenty bucks when i was going to the mall. i was homecoming king & pookie’s son & track team captain & played a vulture in The Wizard of Oz & was a virgin & then wasn’t & ate chicken & there was never a question of if i was going to college or not

i was quite normal, quite boring

i tell you this so you can understand this: when that man filled me with what had to be a ghost, i knew i was no longer normal, rushed into a new standard. when he jimmied his way into my blood & broke something that felt like a vow, i wasn’t surprised when, while lotioning, i touched my back, felt feathers