Autumn, It Begins But I'm Wanting It To End

Autumn,
it begins but I'm
wanting it to end.
A million things worth leaving,
Less worth keeping.

I roll over and play alive,
bend down and salute
the marble statue
of some fucked up military
minded ass-hole.
Rain and cold
bring silence and healing.

Saturated by whispering
squirrels daring me
to climb their trees.

I am a mountain,
Ragged and pleasing,
distant and pleading.
Thieves are hidden in
all kinds of places.
Will they steal the
last essential coin
used to pay the toll?

This way and that,
walking but in no direction.
Reflecting on the
never ceasing aeroplanes
flickering momentarily
in the sky above.

I am as shrinking as the Sun,
glorious and cruel.
Detrimental styles of
believing cresting like
toothpaste squeezed from
a tube.

There are too many bridges
to cross, too many walls
to knock down. Distances
are dreams passing.
Closer still are the dreams
that will never be.

I withdraw my submission
from the paper trail
that defines my "me".
Let me be what I am.
Let me be alone.

I'm tired of genuflecting
to the sombre bells
that ring like jungles
through my veins.

Once upon a time the
heart gave long lectures
on how to perform.
Not it is silent and in silence
so I shall remain.

Once I had the patience
to listen to newspaper stories
read aloud
by dirty old men fondling
their cocks under
their coats.
Now, I don't
even have the patience
to fondle my own cock.
Instead, I am a eunuch
with every muscle
inclined to sag in
perpetual denial.