Idaho Blues

Let me tell you a true story,
That I barely lived to tell.
It started back in Idaho,
With a journey bound for Hell.

Now listen very closely,
Every word of this is true.
A story of nine people,
That just didn't have a clue.

So we set out for the highway,
Where any fool should start.
All sharing the same feeling,
Which swelled within our hearts.

I'll never know just how it is,
that not a one of us could see.
For little did we know that day,
Of what was soon to be.

So we set out for Orifino,
A two days planned event.
If we loaded all of Jimmys' tools,
We could work, then pay the rent.

Keeping a strict timeline,
And so money would not run out,
We should have seen what happened next,
Murpheys Law without a doubt.

What started out as two days planned,
Became five, no way around it.
All because of the nightmare trailor,
We should've left right where we found it.

Relentless to keep all together,
And so no one gets left behind,
Nine of us began this thing,
So then nine will then arrive.

So then after five long Hell-days,
And nerves all wearing thin,
Our first attempt at leaving,
Damn near did us in.

Of the the things to happen,
This one takes the cake.
Not even off the driveway yet,
At Gary's for goodness sake!

With Jimmy ass the lead car,
It was impoosible to miss.
He drove the truck and trailor,
Right off a fucking cliff.

I'm sure you think I'm lying.
I can hardly believe it too.
And how to break the news to Gary,
"We're not quite done with you!"

Then came another sundown,
The fifth one we would see.
To be here at sunrise again,
Could be the death of me.

With sleep not even an option,
And "I told you so's" at hand,
We set out for the highway,
And the roadtrip we began.

With Jimmy as the lead car,
He pulled over left and right.
It was that third cop though that got me,
Do I follow, flee, or fight?!

With Beth as co-pilot beside me,
Mapquest in our hands,
We planted our feet firmly,
And stated our demands.

Now known as "Roadside Jimm y",
Well earned too might I add?
He humbly took a step aside,
For he knew that he'd been had.

Only a flicker now to see by,
Beth guided us by BIC.
You see, my truck lights juust stopped working,
Old Gurdy was being a dick.

Not sure where we were going,
We pretended it was the right way.
"Not one more single pullover!"
"Or there will be HELL to pay!"

Then as our luck would have it,
Our road finally did appear.
Thank God for this one favor,
We can't look like idiots, ya hear?!

Just shortly there soon after,
It was Jimmy who cried "Uncle" first.
"Go on if you must without me."
"I am sleep ridden, and cursed."

So we gave him thirty minutes,
Then talked shit behind his back.
Once again "I told you so."
"I wish we had a sack."

I immediately pulled over,
When I saw the first Hotel.
But how was I supposed to know,
Neil's asleep at the wheel as well?!

He continued down the highway,
Without so much as a glance.
"I hope he has the cell phone."
As for a signal - fat chance!

A few minutes passed then he found us,
Happy to rejoin our crew.
We agreed to retire, then reurn again,
In the morning, all fresh and anew.

A new day came, a fresh new start,
"From here it's just smooth sailing!"
Yet could it be, four suckers are we?!
"Beth, why the fuck aren't we bailing?!"

First up we need gas, so next door we went,
For donuts and filling our tanks.
So how could it be, the next mishaps would be,
The one we thought surely a prank?!

In my face was this man, saying "You know who I am!"
"Those were non-smoking rooms that you rented!"
I was holding my own, til he pulled out his phone,
And said "I'm calling the cops!" And he meant it.

"One hundred dollars!" He demanded. "To cover the costs."
For an ash on the floor he had found.
Though not in the right, my instinct to fight,
I said, "Go suck a dick you clown!"

Then I knew I was beat, so with silent retreat,
I bit down on my lip to keep silent.
So I paid him in full, to end all the bull,
Rather than end this thing violent.

I took a deep breath, and to my co-pilot I said,
"Okay can I get a do-over?"
On your mark, get set, GO! Tread lightly though,
We are fresh out of four leaf clover.

My patience worn thin, and on my last nerve,
I found that there is comfort in smoking.
So two at a time, will do me just fine,
Whats a little coughing and choking?!

So then Boise came, and a new drama too,
When out of the blue came a cop.
No sooner than said, he turned on his lights,
"Which one of us is he trying to stop?!"

So I said a quick prayer, and to Beth I declared,
"It's for Jimmy, why isn't he slowing?!"
Three more miles passed, so I pushed on the gas,
Wished him luck, and got my ass going.

I hope that he remembers the talk that we had,
And handles this just like we planned.
The next exit retreat, and there we shall meet,
To wait to see where the chips land.

Let it never be said, that prayers go unheard,
Because together we left that damn state.
Chalk one up for us, it's Vegas or bust!
The good life will be worth the wait.

With that being said, we put Idaho behind us,
It was now just a thing of the past.
But little did we know, it was too early though,
To think that our comfort might last.

As day fell to night, still afraid to feel right,
From constantly saying, "Whats next?!"
The road has been long, a mans only so strong,
Now permanant, we are all nervous wrecks.

Then tired from driving, a good many miles,
My thoughts turn to where we should sleep.
No sooner than said, it started again,
"Good Lord Beth, the shit's getting deep!"

So I put on my boots, and I gritted my teeth,
Now hating to hear my own voice.
Life just isn't fair. How much can we bare?!
We really had no other choice!

An ugly dispute, was the next grand event,
And it just added fuel to the fire.
It just makes no sense. Are we really that dense?!
"For Christ sakes! It's just a blown tire!"

A new day, a new dawn, and life still goes on,
And likke soldiers, we readied for battle.
The end must be near, I see it so clear,
And then we'll get back in the saddle.

It was out on the highway, the last longest stretch,
That the worst of the worst came to be.
When the Chevy broke down, I looked all around,
But desert was all I could see.

We went a hundred miles to go get a part,
In hopes that it might fix the truck.
It was when we came back, that I finally cracked,
"Neil's stuck in the sand, What the fuck?!"

Right there on the highway, just feet from the Chevy,
Was the UHAUL and trailor, knee deep.
How could this be?! Are you kidding me?!
It was then that I started to weep.

We've made it this far, five kids in the car,
Four dogs, two cats, and then us.
You can't lose it now, but OH man, holy cow!
I think that my heads gonna bust!

So with that being said, and the Chevy still dead,
We left that bitch right where it stood.
With Vegas still far, we piled up in my car,
All thinking, "This just can't be good."

With twoo hundred or more, miles to go,
We knew we had to carry on.
But still, it wasn't until we arrived
That I knew that my money was gone.

I called my bank and checked my balance,
"How much worse can this thing get?!"
For me, you see, thats a silly question,
I've got the "Midus Touch" of shit.

I had just enough, left in the bank,
To cover the next few days.
Eight Grand came and went that quickly.
Can't say I was amazed.

Well that kind of changed things up,
And we didn't have a plan "B".
But we knew that we could beat this thing.
We were family now, you see.

So then I called a family meeting,
So we could think this whole thing through.
Only one thing left to save us now,
Jimmys' tax returns, still due.

So with that being said, we left for Cali,
For just a week or two.
We could wait for Jimmys' tax returns.
What else could we do?!

With our whole lives left in Vegas,
In a storage that we rented.
We headed back to where we started,
Our pride just slightly dented.

With family there to help us,
It was a last resort at best.
The trip has really sucked me dry,
And put my patience to the test.

Of course two weeks became four months,
And it should have been no surprise.
Within that short amount of time,
New bigger problems should arise.

As if living with my mom wasn't bad enough,
Talk about swallow your pride.
We had a falling out with Beth and Jimmy,
So our dreams of Vegas died.

Now, with the bond gone, everything gone wrong,
theres no denying, the road traveled has been long.
And I know that time is the only healer,
And I know this too shall pass.
But I'm not getting any younger,
And this life is kicking my ass.

Yet through it all, I will admit,
I learned my lesson well.
Now I just do, for "me and mine".
The rest can GO TO HELL!

The End
(Thank God!)

(*based on a true story)