The Académie Française Considers a Word for ‘Dogging’

Chiennage, a literal response, is cast aside,
its laziness the thin end of the wedge, reminder
that the Anglophones are twenty miles across
the ruffled sleeve of water, typing into blogues

and laughing in their pockets at le yé-yé, snide
and covetous and lacking in élan. They ponder
whether poetry would work, consider coarse
equivalents – attroupement de rut, though stags

are cheapened by comparison with sleazy
rosbifs blundering priapically in leisurewear.
Dehorgie is a possibility, a cut-and-shut creation
with a pleasing wit. Etranger-plonger – smirks

from younger duffers round the room – easy
on the ear but too contrived. Onomatopoeia
puts its hand up after momentary hesitation,
volunteers ouambam. Chairman says it doesn’t work

for him, and dingue-dongue, shique-shaque, fouhaha
make shagging in a layby sound okay.
Someone mentions gender – masculin ou feminin? –
and that’s enough to force adjournment for the day.