I am not me

Where has all my love gone?
my sea holds no still waters.
a time since I've felt calm.
my thoughts churn as a blender.
knuckles scarred with all frustrations.

I am not consumed for I am aware.
death, sin and a broken heart.
the key to my transformations.
eroding a clear coated conscience.

wrestling with the unwanted influences.
a preemptive bite behind the scenes.
a sturdy defense in the greater fight.
it may not be the high road.
once traveled lonely but bold.
but its better than enduring constant betrayal.

how robotic I have become.
guided by the devils instinct.
I am not me.