I Will Be Loving

Someone on the internet tells me,
“If we ever meet, I will lovingly degrade you.”
Someone I don’t know but want to.
I don’t know my own father.
Not the way he wanted to be known,
not even the way I wanted him.
Every time I have sex I am leaving the town
I was born in again and for good.
Every time I walk into a bedroom
I pretend to be someone I’m not
interested in talking about in poems.
The first man who kissed me
also put his entire fist in my mouth.
The last man inside me
wouldn’t even kiss me.
I am always inside me.
I am always inside.
I will lovingly degrade myself.
I will lovingly degrade myself for you.
I will degrade myself, reader.
For you.
I will be loving.